In a light hearted moment a while back I poked a little good natured fun at the University of Texas fight song, wondering why the band played "I've Been Working on the Railroad" whenever the football team did anything good. I should have known that it is safer to make fun of a person's religion than anything having to do with certain college football teams.
I heard from Bob Clarke, former Marine NCO from the Great State of Texas. Bob informed me that the University of Texas song is "The Eyes of Texas are Upon You", that it is a sacred song, and that it was stolen by Yankee railroadmen (probably from New York). He threatened bodily harm.
I tried to curry favor with Bob by telling him of my wonderful year in Texas while I was going through flight training in Beeville (a lie, BTW, Beeville was the pits) and pointed out to him that, in fact, the UT Band's own website acknowledges that the song was derived from "I've Been Working on the Railroad".
I got nowhere. Bob responded with additional not-so-veiled threats and, intrepid correspondent that I am, I felt compelled to roll over on this one, lest rifle rack toting cars and pick-up trucks (with cattle horns bolted to the front fenders) start showing up at my front door.
And so now I feel compelled to make the following points:
1. "The Eyes of Texas are Upon You" is the finest college fight song known to man.
2. "The Eyes of Texas are Upon You" was not derived from "I've Been Working on the Railroad", rather it is the product of divine inspiration. The only reason why the UT Band's website suggests otherwise is because it was hacked by terrorists (probably based in New York).
3. The University of Texas football team is the greatest team that ever existed. It can win any fair football contest, and the only reason it loses to Oklahoma is because of corrupt Big 12 officials (paid off by Yankee gamblers, probably from New York) who allow the Sooners to play with 13 men on a side and give them "do over" downs after bad plays.
4. In world affairs the state of Texas strides across the globe like a colossus, a mighty friend and a terrifying foe. In fact, the reason why the rest of the states begged Texas to join the United States is because we wanted to make sure it was always on our side.
Semper Fi, Bob.
Maaaaannnnn.
That is WORLD-CLASS, no-holds-barred butt-smooching!
If you kick it as effectively as you kiss it, I know who to call if I ever need legal representation in you part of the country.
Posted by: Terry | October 20, 2004 at 09:13 AM
Stumbled on this and really enjoyed it. Hilarious!!!!! Making an altered book on a trip to Texas so will collage some of this in my masterpiece. 1942 and 1943 found me in Dallas Public Schools and I remember being required to have a GOOD smallpox scar (which I had to have 3 times before I got a little scar) and the first song we all learned was The Eyes of Texas.
Posted by: Bev Mackey | January 18, 2005 at 06:20 AM
My husband and I are both Texans by choice..although HE is a yankee(I beat it out of him 25 years ago) and I am as close as it gets without actually being born here...from Louisiana(I left as fast as I could). We completely understand the Texas mentality and love it. Our kids and grandkids have been born here and my alma mater is University of Texas. We have a bumper sticker that says..'Welcome to Texas, Now go Home' I would never publicly admit I was from anywhere else. Your retraction was so gracious for a yankee I actually had to put my boots on. We both had a great laugh..thank you!!! I have included something for you to read that may help you understand. It was sent to me and reflects the way MOST Texans feel because WE ARE THE GREATEST STATE IN THE UNION!!
For those of you who don't live in Texas and want to move here, come on, we have plenty of room for you.
If HILLARY is elected President:
After listening to all the gloating in the press and seeing the liberal whiners along the inauguration route, the folks from Texas would probably decide to take matters into their own hands.
To wit:
#1: If he gets elected, let HILLARY become President of the 49 United States.
#2: Texas will SECEDE FROM THE UNION as guaranteed by our right to do so when we joined the Union.
#3: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of Texas.
Will we survive as a Republic? Well, let's see... NASA's in Houston (so, we basically control the space industry).
85% of the gasoline in the United States is refined in Texas City.
Over 65% of the defense industry is located here. (The term "DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS" would take on a whole new meaning.)
Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years.
Natural Gas - Again we have all we need. Maybe we'll sell some to MRS. CLINTON
Computer Industry - HP, Texas Instruments, Dell, Compaq, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel... All located here.
Health Care - We have the largest research centers for Cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world.
Education - Between U.T., Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, TCU, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, University of North Texas and Texas Women's University we ought to be covered. Ivy grows better in the south anyway.
Labor - Lots of workers here (and just open the border when we need some more)
We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.
Defense - In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard.
Agriculture - We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, chickens and vegetable produce.
*Gotta mention that we have an abundant supply of the best-looking ladies in the whole world. And any snide remarks about our women being "corn fed" will get your butt kicked --by our women!)
We have Faith in God as our Supreme Creator and Savior.
Texas will have "In God We Trust" on the front and back of its own money.
Texas will have prayers at all sporting events.
Texans will have the Ten Commandments posted where ever they want.
Each school day will be opened with prayer.
We've got mountains.
We've got beaches.
East Texas is forest.
West Texas is desert.
There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.
Now to the rest of The United States under President HILLARY :
God bless you all...truly...and good luck!
Signed,
The Citizens of "The Republic of Texas"
Posted by: Deborah and Paul Gani | September 20, 2006 at 07:33 PM
My husband and I are both Texans by choice..although HE is a yankee(I beat it out of him 25 years ago) and I am as close as it gets without actually being born here...from Louisiana(I left as fast as I could). We completely understand the Texas mentality and love it. Our kids and grandkids have been born here and my alma mater is University of Texas. We have a bumper sticker that says..'Welcome to Texas, Now go Home' I would never publicly admit I was from anywhere else. Your retraction was so gracious for a yankee I actually had to put my boots on. We both had a great laugh..thank you!!! I have included something for you to read that may help you understand. It was sent to me and reflects the way MOST Texans feel because WE ARE THE GREATEST STATE IN THE UNION!!
For those of you who don't live in Texas and want to move here, come on, we have plenty of room for you.
If HILLARY is elected President:
After listening to all the gloating in the press and seeing the liberal whiners along the inauguration route, the folks from Texas would probably decide to take matters into their own hands.
To wit:
#1: If he gets elected, let HILLARY become President of the 49 United States.
#2: Texas will SECEDE FROM THE UNION as guaranteed by our right to do so when we joined the Union.
#3: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of Texas.
Will we survive as a Republic? Well, let's see... NASA's in Houston (so, we basically control the space industry).
85% of the gasoline in the United States is refined in Texas City.
Over 65% of the defense industry is located here. (The term "DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS" would take on a whole new meaning.)
Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years.
Natural Gas - Again we have all we need. Maybe we'll sell some to MRS. CLINTON
Computer Industry - HP, Texas Instruments, Dell, Compaq, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel... All located here.
Health Care - We have the largest research centers for Cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world.
Education - Between U.T., Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, TCU, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, University of North Texas and Texas Women's University we ought to be covered. Ivy grows better in the south anyway.
Labor - Lots of workers here (and just open the border when we need some more)
We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.
Defense - In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard.
Agriculture - We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, chickens and vegetable produce.
*Gotta mention that we have an abundant supply of the best-looking ladies in the whole world. And any snide remarks about our women being "corn fed" will get your butt kicked --by our women!)
We have Faith in God as our Supreme Creator and Savior.
Texas will have "In God We Trust" on the front and back of its own money.
Texas will have prayers at all sporting events.
Texans will have the Ten Commandments posted where ever they want.
Each school day will be opened with prayer.
We've got mountains.
We've got beaches.
East Texas is forest.
West Texas is desert.
There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.
Now to the rest of The United States under President HILLARY :
God bless you all...truly...and good luck!
Signed,
The Citizens of "The Republic of Texas"
Posted by: Deborah and Paul Gani | September 20, 2006 at 07:34 PM
I take issue with the statement by Deborah and Paul Gani, both non-native Texans, that "West Texas is desert." This is simply not true. But first of all let me state that I have no problem with parts of the country that ARE desert. I have loved my many visits to deserts. But West Texas isn't "desert."
"West Texas," as any true Texan knows, is that part of Texas that is west of Main Street Fort Worth, south of the Red River, north and west of the Balcones Fault line, and is bordered on the west side by the Pecos River and the Caprock Escarpment. Anything west of the Pecos River is the "Trans-Pecos," and anything west or north of the Caprock Escarpment is known as the "Llano Estacado."
The only part of Texas that IS "desert" is that part of Texas which falls in the Chihuahuan desert, which is all of the Trans-Pecos as well as that part of the Toyah Basin which is just east of the Pecos River, which includes all or part of Loving, Winkler, Ward, Crane, Andrews, Ector, and Upton Counties, depending on how you draw the northeastern border of the Chihuahuan desert.
"West Texas," however, far from being "desert," is characterized by an average annual precipitation of 22 to 34 inches of rainfall (as opposed to under 18 inches in the Chihuahuan desert). West Texas includes the vegetational areas of the Cross Timbers, the Prairies, the Rolling Plains, and parts of the Edwards Plateau. These areas of West Texas (unlike the desert of the Trans-Pecos) have woodlands characterized by blackjack, post oak and live oak, but have been heavily invaded over the years by mesquite and juniper. The prairie grasses of the region include bluestem, indiangrass, switchgrass, grama, and buffalograss.
In regards to "desert," there are only four (4) desert areas in North America: The Great Basin (between the Wasatch Mountains in Utah and the Sierra Nevada), the Mojave Desert (in N.W. Arizona, S.W. Utah, So. Nevada, and parts of So. California), the Sonoran Desert (S.W. Arizona, S.E. California, most of Baja California, and the Mexican state of Sonora), and the Chihuahuan Desert (portions of several Mexican states including most of Coahuila, as well as S.E. Arizona, central and southern New Mexico, and that part of Texas known as the Trans-Pecos. The Trans-Pecos, although the western-most part of the State of Texas, is not what is traditionally called "West Texas." Anyone who does call the Trans-Pecos "West Texas," is either not a Texan, or is someone who has not educated him- or herself in the colloquial nomenclature of the State.
Posted by: Gordon Strawn | February 11, 2008 at 12:38 PM